My daughter messaged me 2 days ago and asked “should we live together again?” I don’t know the answer but I welcome whatever is God’s best outcome for us both. Then yesterday she shared with me that my son’s father spoke of getting a 1-bedroom in February and said my boy will need to find another place to live.

“Mom we’d need a 3 bedroom.” Well, that seems quite impossible with the cost of living in southern california on a flight attendant’s pay. And furthermore, she would need to find a job making what she makes there in Florida and then the two of us will have to help my son survive when he comes as well.

The thing about is impossible, it seems to be God’s specialty.

I don’t want to run before God’s plan and go make a bunch of sudden decisions with this news incoming. But as God already knows the plans he has for us all, I do pray today for guidance that aligns with his perfect will. And if my babies are both coming to California in the next two months then I need God to prepare a place for us here – send a miracle in the form of a monthly payment we can afford and lead us to the exact home where we will find joy, healing, laughter and higher love. A place where my son will be transformed inside and out by the power of God’s love and he will have hope and a future revealed in all things.

So this mornign I light a candle and pray for God to go with me as I go look at an apartment near Will Rogers beach. If it’s to be the home God has placed in our path for us to move into, it will happen miraculously without struggle. The pieces will fall into place perfectly and God’s glory will be in every moment.

I’m so excited to tell the good news of what God is doing for my family. I feel it coming like a waterfall from the windows of Heaven.

He’s his mother’s child for sure. He doesn’t want anyone to worry about him and he has a very difficult time admitting when he needs help. I have always been that way too.

I recently gave him money for medicine he needs and today he sent me a ZELLE for the amount I had sent. “Mom, I’m still feeling sick but I was able to go door dash for awhile and earned enough to pay you back.” He said. Instant tears flooded over me as all I could say is, “I love you.”

I love his heart so much and I hate seeing him in pain and struggling. But these small victories speak to my soul the beauty of what is often produced in us through suffering; more love. I know on the other side of his hard days he will be a beacon of light to others in this world and that makes me so hopeful and gives me strength today to push forward even harder on the Angels Flame Diaries project.

So often in this world the acts that are glorified are shallow in nature or create fear in our hearts. I am so driven to share the stories that never make it into the lights; the untold truths of love’s power and the saints hiding behind the faces of strangers who seed that love in our world still today.

Thank you to all who have prayed for Josh and keep praying for his journey. And thank you for all who seek the LIGHT OF HOPE and support me to keep walking in faith in the light factory and in the fund raising efforts for our documentary.

Last week I went to Florida and my daughter and I made prayer candles. We printed little notes about her brother (my son), and we passed them as we went about our day. I then left several in airport bathrooms and beyond when my company sent me to Honolulu a few days ago.

I received an email from a couple who found a prayer candle and they said they were lighting the flame and lifting up my son’s name that night. The very next morning my son received an unexpected gift that enabled him to make a payment on the fees that were stopping him from renewing his drivers’ license. I was excited for him and praised God. But it wasn’t enough to open the doorway to freedom for him. Then last night on November 20th, I had a pretty bad breakdown. I was crying and screaming at God, “I might as well be honest Jesus because you know my thoughts anyway!” I yelled at the ceiling as my body was shaking and crying. My temper tantrum was interrupted by my daughter’s text message as she told me how she’d been worshipping and felt great. She was many years ago a worship leader for a mega church in Texas. Then she added onto this that she was seeking a church to sing at. I know this is a hard step for her because the “church” was the very place that pierced her heart, shamed her and casted her away after she lost her dad.

It took me a few minutes to register how massive these text messages were. These are precise prayers I’d been speaking for many many years over her life. Then she hit me with me tear jerker.

She said, “I want to apologize to you for making you feel alone in your faith for quite some time.” She said she needed to go through that in order to come back to God. She said she NEEDED to be confused.

I may not understand that need but I feel it too. I have for a long time wondered where the Lord has went in these years of troubles. I’ve written letters nightly and cried out from the deepest parts of my being for help – sounding like David in his bipolar psalms. And this is humbling because it reminds me that no matter how much God has done for me and how many miracles I’ve witnessed with my own eyes in the past, I still hadn’t arrived at the purpose to my pain. They are linked together as I’m learning. Fatherlessness and then widowed for what cause? Compassion? Well, to see my own children going through the darkness as statistics that single-handedly destroy an entire nation is quite profound.

Tonight I laid down for a moment and started meditating and saw a closed door with lights illuminating the edges and I heard the Holy Spirit say, “Door to Freedom.” I thought about how the answered prayers for my son were creating that doorway (in the unseen hope of tomorrow) and how the cry of my own heart was seeking this very thing. I need to feel the freedom of Christ in my physical body, not just in spirit. I believe I’m free from condemnation and judgement because of his sacrifice but what is this freedom for the oppressed and enslaved who walk this planet today without hope of ever escaping the Egypt of societal acceptance?

Last night my daughter and I read the book of Acts starting in 22 and I hurt for Paul as we followed the script. He finally found truth and the Lord opened him up to his purpose but the outcome of that was a very heavy amount of misery. The very people who he once called family and grew up with now wanted to kill him. The ones he was moving towards wanting nothing to do with him because he was once a murderer of their ways. And on top of that the government leaders of Rome were enslaving him (for 3 years). I would imagine Paul felt very confused and lonely. He was doing what God told him to do and as a result he was beaten, accused, jailed and put on the defense over and over again.

A year ago in Miami I had a dream where Jesus came to me and lifted me off of the beach by my hand. He walked with me on water until we reached another piece of land. There he picked me up and shook dust off me. It looked like a sand storm – so much dust was coming off of me. I woke up thinking that the dust represented my past – as he instructed the disciples to shake the dust off of them when they left a town that didn’t accept them. Shortly after this dream I was sent to Los Angeles and I trust God to one day show me why. Thus far, I only see the day with my son standing together at rocks at Point Magu, which inspired me to make this page – Malibu Miracle.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
    is God in his holy dwelling.
⁶ God sets the lonely in families,^[a]
    he leads out the prisoners with singing;
    but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.

– Psalms 68:5

As in with religion, everyone speaks about God and Jesus but few are following the command of what religion means printed in the book of James. “Pure undefiled religion before God is to take care of the widows, orphans and fatherless and keep oneself spotted from the world.” – James 1:27.

Maybe we live in a season on this planet where the refinement by fire is preparing the quiet ones to speak loudly – although we don’t realize it in this flesh right now. According the first sermon on the mount, delivered by Jesus:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

May the Lord’s will be done and the prisoners set free. I hold onto the vision of the WOF HOUSE to have a space of refuge for those battling the loss of being uncovered in this world by parents or by blood family. I pray for all God’s children who are suffering and enslaved to be set free and for a Malibu Miracle not only for my child but the future of all of our children.

He’s certainly doing a mighty work in my daughter’s heart as she passes out prayer candles today that we made together in hope and in faith that God is sending us more miracles.

I think often about the story of Sarah and Isaac from the Bible. The promise of Sarah’s life she had waited for decades to receive was the gift of a son. But then God told Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. But God’s intention was never to let that boy die. An angel intervened and sent a ram in his place and Sarah got her son back alive and well. Reading stories that seem like fiction is worlds apart from living inside of a reality where a mother is made helpless to save what she loves the most. I feel helpless and all day everyday I do my best to cast my worry upon Jesus – to remember that he is the author and finisher of my faith and my story and he’s not done with this script yet.

Perhaps more than anything, I’m just needing to encourage my own soul right now. I’ve seen miracles and so I know God can do it again. But I’m battle weary in praying alone each night in a puddle of my own tears. So if God lives in us and we are to help carry one another’s burdens. Maybe distributing these prayer candles will give me the strength to keep praying – not only for my son to be healed and rescued from his situation but for others too who are going through various trials. Maybe these little lights can somehow connect our hearts together and we can be one voice in one accord asking our Heavenly Father to intervene for all of our children and the orphans & fatherless above all as the scripture says in James 1:27:

²⁷ The only religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans, fatherless and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

I’m not sure where my job will send me tomorrow but I have hundreds of candles packed in my bag. I will leave them wherever I journey and believe that God will place them in the exact hands where they belong. For the prayer warriors, the faithful and the ones who could use a little faithful support too.

I hear this tonight in my inner voice – Proverbs 3 5-6:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.^[a]

So I don’t need to know where I’m going tomorrow. I just need to trust the Lord and know that he will set my path before me and he has good reason for putting this assignment on my heart.