Only 3 Remain

Yesterday my Papa passed over. I went to the beach to roller blade and collected some burnt sticks and stones when I left. Then I started to craft a light I planned to make with the idea to sell it at a store. But today the image I used to turn into a logo for LL club – a marketing company that doesn’t yet exist; but I’m being asked to sell a home in Texas without listing it.

It’s interesting that the things we use to sell a home with I won’t have in my favor. It would take a miracle to find a buyer and yet, maybe that’s the kind of faith God is asking me to have in him.

I felt strongly that the concept of forgiveness was upon me – as if my Papa was with me telling me to please lay down at the cross all that I’ve carried in my heart and thoughts towards my mother. And I prayed and asked God to help me do that the whole way home. But he’s been doing it all along – showing me how my pain is very similar to what my mom went through. She’s just a child of God like me. We don’t want to hurt anyone intentionally; especially those we love the most.

Today, I want every word I’ve ever spoken about anyone to be removed and washed over in the blood of Jesus. I am so not perfect and he says no one is good except the Father in Heaven.

These branches maybe represent my process. After the fire, when everything is burnt away and left in ruin only 3 remain. Hope love and faith. And the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Today is my son’s birthday and what I hope for most is for him to feel loved today. I hope he also gets hope today – something to look forward to so that he too can lay down the past and put it away. I can’t give it to him but God can.

I also don’t feel the desire to see Dave anymore. I was trying to hard to replace what I’d lost and felt abandoned by God because I feel alone. But God’s plan isn’t something I can force.

So I just do my best through the anger, the frustration, the loneliness and the guilt that I should never carry; as my righteousness in what Jesus did not what I could ever do – to lay it all down. To be grateful that I can’t earn righteousness but that the free gift he gives me is a promise that I’ll dine in paradise with him one day no matter how many mistakes I’ve made and continue to make each day. He loves me and he’s not forgotten me even when I can’t feel him near.

Maybe I’ve been pruned and everything inside of me and outside of me has been taken and destroyed to ruins… and maybe that hurt really bad today. But after the fire there is still these 3 branches that remain. And that’s a tree perhaps God can use to create new fruit and paint beauty in my ashes.

I ask for God’s guidance in this video I’m making and for the Glory of the Lord to be seen in the results.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.